The Drama King or Queen needs to feel. They would rather be dead than feel nothing, or not feel enough. Their partners help them feel. They can love their partners so much, that they hate them for it.
Knowing the traits and patterns of the most common abuser types can help you avoid abuser behavior before it starts. Alternatively, it may aid you in deciding whether a certain person in your life is indeed showing abusive tendencies, and how to handle the situation. Though it would be impossible to illustrate the exact personality traits of each and every abuser, there are certain abuser profiles that are more commonly seen than others.
There are 13 abuser profile types:
- The Drama King/Queen
- The Player
- The Cuddler
- The Jailer
- The Tough One
- The Gardener
- The Gatekeeper
- The Enabler
- The Rescuer
- La Machita
- The Obsessor
- The Brat
- The Addict
Let us introduce the first type.
The Drama Queen/King type
How they feel deep down in their relationships:
I need to feel. When I feel nothing, I might as well be dead. You make me feel. I love you so much that I hate you.
Periodically assaultive, stressed and nervous, constant worrier , insecure/needs attention, afraid of poverty yet creates it, spontaneous and moody, emotional when drunk/high, a long-term planner, periodically undisciplined, a responsible, competent worker, mildly sensitive, needs frequent intense emotions, likes to periodically “unwind” (fight), looks for/creates prompts, self-destructive, and is argumentative.
They enjoy having a passionate relationship with someone who will keep secret their inappropriate behavior. They know it is wrong, but feel incapable of stopping it. This is probably why they prefer spending time alone with their partner rather than with company, as with company they will need to “behave”. There is a dramatic element in all that they do. You may even hear them saying “I feel like I am in a movie”.
When the other person does not give in to having things go their way, they may act broody, cry, make a scene, or even abuse substances. It is possible for them to cheat on their partner if their partner will not engage in an argument or some other form of drama with them. Once they have created enough drama, they feel as though they are the victims and that the PARTNER has to help THEM. They may make promises to their partners to entice sympathy or create false hope, only to eventually let them down once again.
They insist that there are issues on a daily basis, for instance that finances are plummeting, that the people their partner interacts with are harming the relationship, that familial ties are against them, etc. When funds ARE available, they get rid of them at rapid speed in an often frivolous way so that the partnership has more to struggle with, more to endure together. They believe that their life is hardest of all, that fate just gives them one blow after another. Stress might be a word that is used often as well. They may talk of feeling stress from every angle, and as though nothing they do will be a proper solution. People may be given polite or friendly responses but the drama queen/king is sure that the people do not genuinely like who they are.
They reminisce about a romanticized version of the partnership where both parties were so happy together, only to go ahead and blame their partner for this “magic” ending when they have a moment alone. They may poke and prod their partner until the partners responds with a fit of rage. They thrive off of this intense emotional reaction and inwardly feel a need for some sort of emotionally intense reaction, even if it means the partner shouting at them. This may lead them to punch a wall or push their partner around, “out of the way”. Drama queens/kings enjoy things to be loud in every way, and noises are no different; doors tend to slam every time they get upset enough. They always feel better inside after an intense, noisy argument.
This person is likely to tell tall tales or straight out lie in order to get their partner to express something intense. They just want the person to show a strong reaction… of some sort. Any sort. The louder the better though. It is like an addiction that they cannot live without, yet they often do not know it. They enjoy it when their partner becomes extremely angry, as afterwards they are able to show how great they are and create a calm environment. Instead of the calm before the storm, this person likes to have their storm first, calm after. They feel that if someone truly cares for them, they will fight with them. In time, each fight will escalate to become more and more extreme.
This type may convince themselves and their partners that having kids will help the conflict. Or that they need to get married or buy a home together, or perhaps that they are in the wrong city and THAT is causing the conflict.
When the fighting gets really bad and the partner realizes how unhealthy it is, they will beg and plead that they care so much and will do everything they can to improve. They will say that they will make every sacrifice, whatever it takes. This is just another form of the drama they crave. And it won’t improve a thing. Maybe for a short while, but in the end it is likely to get even louder and more violent. Everything is a struggle for survival but they insist they love their partner so much and that they are bonded and destined to be together, that they can weather any storm as long as they are together, all they need to do is “TALK” things out once more….
For further information and to find out ways that you can possibly remedy or downgrade some of this behavior, what their motivation is, as well as what kind of partner this type typically seeks out or avoids, please look into downloading our free E-book of the abuser types.
When in the midst of an abusive situation, it may be difficult to think clearly and come up with a solution to remedy the abuse, while trying to implement it may feel almost impossible. However, given the right tools and the will power to create change, it most certainly is possible, even more so– it is probable. Many may feel overwhelmed and may not know where to start, but it is important to start somewhere.
Please continue to check in with us each week for a new post about abusive behavior and how it can affect your life and the lives of those around you. There is always that first action to helping someone you care about. Let this be it!