The Jailer wants someone that they can OWN. Even if resisted at first, they will wear their victim down until their will to fight is diminished or completely gone. They will not accept ‘no’ for an answer and will persevere until the answer changes to ‘yes’.
Knowing the traits and patterns of the most common abuser types can help you avoid abuser behavior before it starts. Alternatively, it may aid you in deciding whether a certain person in your life is indeed showing abusive tendencies, and how to handle the situation. Though it would be impossible to illustrate the exact personality traits of each and every abuser, there are certain abuser profiles that are more commonly seen than others.
There are 13 abuser profile types:
- The Drama King/Queen
- The Player
- The Cuddler
- The Jailer
- The Tough One
- The Gardener
- The Gatekeeper
- The Enabler
- The Rescuer
- La Machita
- The Obsessor
- The Brat
- The Addict
Let us introduce the fourth type.
The Jailer Type
How they feel:
When I first saw you I decided that you would belong to me. I didn’t accept “no” for an answer, I had made up my mind that your answer was going to be “yes.” At first you resisted me, but I was able to wear you down until you had lost your will to fight.
Domineering, assaultive, aggressive, degrades others, never satisfied, controlling, callous and brutal, moody and temperamental, pretends to be spontaneous, deceptive, self-contradictory, extremely sensitive, needs constant emotional contact, history of childhood abuse, constantly shifting alliances, over-reactive, feels indispensable, sadistic, and insecure.
The jailer type is likely to be physically affectionate with their romantic interest right away. They feel that their love interest is somehow better than any other partner and therefore they must find a way to keep this person to themselves. Regardless of any objections from this person or anyone else, the jailer will do whatever is in their power to have their way. They can act overly aggressive or tough with their potential partner but switch gears and become sensitive and vulnerable if confronted about their behaviour. They are unable to handle someone acting towards them in the same manner that they act towards others. Jailers believe it is their partner’s duty to fulfil their needs.
These types prefer to wear the pants in the relationship and are not interested in their partner’s opinion about their decisions. They may try to entice their romantic interest into making a large commitment right away, asking them to start sharing living quarters immediately for instance. In the likely event that the person rejects their idea, it is possible that someone with this personality type will go to extreme measures and even abduct the person. They have decided that this person belongs to them and believe that locking them up will keep them from having to share that person with others. It is also possible that this type will concoct a fantasy in their minds where they believe the victim actually WANTS to be captured in this way, as some sort of testament of love.
Once the jailer is successful at getting their victim, they will make sure that they have no way to get away. They may literally lock them up when they leave the house and keep the location of their “captive” hush hush so that any friends or family are unlikely to find out what is going on. The victim must do whatever the jailer wants or abuse will start. The jailer uses both physical and emotional abuse. They may rape their victims until the person eventually sees no reason to fight and gives in. This type will also attempt to make their victim feel as though they are worthless and that they are lucky to be with the jailer as who else would want such a disgusting human being. They will chip away at their victim’s self-esteem until there is nothing left.
The jailer sees their love interest as something for them to use when it suits them. They believe this person is only here to please them and will often force the victim to do things the person does not want to do in order to prove the hold they have on them. If they can get their victim to do all of these embarrassing things, the victim will start feeling worse and worse about themselves and become an easier mark. The jailer wants to get the victim to believe that they are undesirable in every way so that they feel bonded to the jailer. This type may even purposefully try to make their victim look less attractive by mutilating them physically (scars on face, etc.).
The victim is not allowed to speak in public unless they have been given permission by the abuser. The jailer will try to be the only voice that is heard and prefers that the victim acts as though they are not worthy of being in the jailer’s company. This makes the jailer feel good about themselves. If the victim even so much as looks at another person, they will pay for it later. It is probable that the jailer will insist that the victim was looking at others, even if they were not, in order to have an excuse to abuse them further.
Family and friends? Forget about it. The jailer will cut their victims off from it all. They want to be the only one that the person turns to and therefore will have no option but to do what the jailer wants. All personal freedom will be limited or taken away completely. There will be no phone or internet access, no car or any other means for the person to get away or get help. The jailer will try to convince their victim that it is for their own good and possibly that they are doing this out of love.
The jailer will expect that their victim keep the house in order exactly as specified or else! Any mistake and there will be consequences, usually physical and sadistic ones. The victim will usually get harmed even when they do everything correctly, to maintain the fear of the abuser. This person may pretend to go away only to come back to try to catch their victim doing something they shouldn’t be. The victim lives in a constant state of terror and will at some point start blaming themselves for the abuse. This is exactly what the jailer wants.
This type likely has trouble keeping jobs or dealing with authority figures. If trouble happens outside of the relationship, the abuser will take this out on their victim even if it had nothing to do with this person.
The victim is made to feel as though they are stupid and the abuser will be quick to hurt them with any tiny mishap. Eventually, the abuser will leave marks that others can see and force the victim to lie about them. Drinking will only make the jailer more abusive as they want to make their victim believe it is the alcohol causing them to lash out but instead the abuser knows very well what they are doing. They will likely go out often but their victims are never allowed to leave the house.
Children and animals may be used to keep the victim trapped and in fear as well, though they are likely to suffer even worse injury than the love interest, including death. The victim will be much more agreeable when they see the damage that the jailer can do to the kids or the animals in the house. This also makes it much harder for the victim to leave, as taking children and pets proves far more difficult than running alone when the opportunity strikes. All of the harm that comes to these dependents will be blamed on the victim and used to keep them in line.
Often when law enforcement does get to the scene, the victim will lie in order to protect the abuser as they are too scared to find out what would happen if they told the truth and were forced to stay with them. If the abuser does end up behind bars, they expect that their victim will be waiting for them when they are out. And they will go out of their way to find them to bring them right back to the situation as it was before.
This type is capable of seriously sadistic and gruesome acts in order to keep their vision going. They will torture whomever they need to, as long as they think they can away with it. The abuse will escalate until each act cannot get worse. They will keep their victims as their prisoners but insist that they are soulmates.
For further information and to find out ways that you can possibly remedy or downgrade some of this behavior, what their motivation is, as well as what kind of partner this type typically seeks out or avoids, please look into downloading our free E-book of the abuser types:
When in the midst of an abusive situation, it may be difficult to think clearly and come up with a solution to remedy the abuse, while trying to implement it may feel almost impossible. However, given the right tools and the will power to create change, it most certainly is possible, even more so– it is probable. Many may feel overwhelmed and may not know where to start, but it is important to start somewhere.
Please continue to check in with us each week for a new post about abusive behavior and how it can affect your life and the lives of those around you. There is always that first action to helping someone you care about. Let this be it!
Note – This personality may apply to males and females in heterosexual relationships or the dominant role in gay or lesbian relationships. The subordinate role, the victim, may be male or female.