The Obsessor moves fast and with great intent and focus. They place reliance for how they feel on their target, and do everything in their power to quickly charm and overwhelm them.
Knowing the traits and patterns of the most common abuser types can help you avoid abuser behavior before it starts. Alternatively, it may aid you in deciding whether a certain person in your life is indeed showing abusive tendencies, and how to handle the situation. Though it would be impossible to illustrate the exact personality traits of each and every abuser, there are certain abuser profiles that are more commonly seen than others.
There are 13 abuser profile types:
- The Drama King/Queen
- The Player
- The Cuddler
- The Jailer
- The Tough One
- The Gardener
- The Gatekeeper
- The Enabler
- The Rescuer
- La Machita
- The Obsessor
- The Brat
- The Addict
Let us introduce the 11th type.
The Obsessor Type
How they feel
I move quickly. I don’t wait. The more I push, the faster something happens. I met someone last night at a club. They were so sweet and beautiful. I have been looking for them for almost two weeks since. After a few moments together, I realized that they were the one. There is no other person in the world like them. I will find them. They will be mine.
Obsessive, direct, aggressive, controlling, stalking, stubborn, possessive, never satisfied, extraverted, tries to act mature, moody and temperamental, spontaneous, very short term planner, sensitive, overdressed, selfish, immature, high need for constant emotional stimulation, looking for a better partner, childishly charming, over-reactive, and shallow.
The Obsessor is thrilled over even the smallest bit of attention from their love interest. A person may not wish to give out their personal details but the Obsessor will continue using their charming ways until they are revealed. Once this happens, the Obsessor feels as though they have won a victory over the person and that they are now theirs.
This type will move quickly. They will text their victim repeatedly, even from the very first night, often into the wee hours of the morning. If they do this, they feel that their victim will know how much they mean to them. Had they found out where the person lived, they would have likely tried to show up unexpected to prove their love for them.
A victim will feel forced to make contact with this person just to stop them from harassing them. The Obsessor will not quit until they get some sort of response. They feel this is a game and eventually they will win it by being persistent. They believe that the victim does want them, they just don’t know it yet.
When the victim gives in and meets with this person, the Obsessor will likely initiate physical contact without the victim wanting it or expecting it. If the victim behaves in an angry manner, the Obsessor will tell themselves that the victim is only pretending they don’t want it and playing hard to get, making the abuser want to try even harder to break their resistance. If this person wants something, they go after it. They believe this is impressive as they feel the majority of people are just not “man enough” to go for it. Their confidence will win the victim over in the end, they reason.
The Obsessor will probably tell their victim about the numerous other people they have been interested in pursuing during the last short while but expect that the person will be impressed and flattered that the Obsessor has “chosen them” above all the others. This type will pull out all the stops and can be very charming when they want to be, staring intensely for prolonged periods, exuding strength and confidence while still being calm and smooth.
At times, this person can entice their friends to go on “hunts” for their victims, chasing them as a group. The Obsessor will act as though they are part of a tight-knit circle and are popular and loved. They will smile and laugh and make grand gestures, all as part of the act they use to catch their prey. What they would like is for their friends to connect with the friends of the person they are interested in. When this happens, it is far easier for the Obsessor to find their victim in the future. Often, the Obsessor will bring over numerous “interests” to meet the group during one single evening, though the group will act as though this one is the only one that has come around and is special somehow.
During an evening out, the Obsessor will probably ask the person of interest for some sort of commitment. They may ask again and again until they get the answer they want. This may occur even if the couple had only been conversing for a few minutes. When the victim eventually find their way away from the situation and leaves with their own group of friends, the Obsessor will try to follow them and will hold them to this commitment that they forced upon them. They feel that the person is theirs now. They better not be seeing anyone else, even though the Obsessor is likely to be in a serious relationship with someone else already. But this doesn’t bother them as they believe that relationship is only temporary and the new one will somehow make all of their dreams come true. They envision leaving their current partner and having a glorious life with this fantastic stranger.
The Obsessor will likely have quite a few legal orders against them for harassment from a slew of previous victims, but usually nothing so serious that makes anyone actually stop them. They believe this is just them fighting for love, listening to their feelings above all else.
For further information and to find out ways that you can possibly remedy or downgrade some of this behavior, what their motivation is, as well as what kind of partner this type typically seeks out or avoids, please look into downloading our free E-book of the abuser types.
When in the midst of an abusive situation, it may be difficult to think clearly and come up with a solution to remedy the abuse, while trying to implement it may feel almost impossible. However, given the right tools and the will power to create change, it most certainly is possible, even more so– it is probable. Many may feel overwhelmed and may not know where to start, but it is important to start somewhere.
Please continue to check in with us each week for a new post about abusive behavior and how it can affect your life and the lives of those around you. There is always that first action to helping someone you care about. Let this be it!
Note –This personality may apply to males and females in heterosexual relationships or the dominant role in gay or lesbian relationships. The subordinate role, the victim, may be male or female.