The Player: Second of 13 Abuser Types - Do you know somebody like this?

For the Player it’s only about sex and conquest. They are only interested in how they feel, and are preoccupied with feeling good. Once they have conquered someone to their sexual standard, that person is history. Their focus then turns to their next target.

Knowing the traits and patterns of the most common abuser types can help you avoid abuser behavior before it starts. Alternatively, it may aid you in deciding whether a certain person in your life is indeed showing abusive tendencies, and how to handle the situation. Though it would be impossible to illustrate the exact personality traits of each and every abuser, there are certain abuser profiles that are more commonly seen than others.

There are 13 abuser profile types:

  1. The Drama King/Queen
  2. The Player
  3. The Cuddler
  4. The Jailer
  5. The Tough One
  6. The Gardener
  7. The Gatekeeper
  8. The Enabler
  9. The Rescuer
  10. La Machita
  11. The Obsessor
  12. The Brat
  13. The Addict

Let us introduce the second type.

The Player Type

How they feel deep down in their relationships:

I am so fine. You are lucky to be with me. I always get who I want. It’s all about sex and conquest. There’s nothing wrong with feeling good. Once you submit to me, you are history: stay out of my life. The next conquest is all I care about, not the last one. Do I know you?


Charming, scheming, impulsive, self-absorbed, compliments others, never satisfied, extroverted, manipulative, overconfident, narcissistic, deceptive, flashy and confident in public, cool tempered, short-term planner , thick-skinned, focused/persistent, disappears, feels empowered and entitled, periodically insecure/vulnerable, and considers sex partners as objects.

The Player believes that they can have anyone else they want if you aren’t willing. Outwardly, they exude a strong confidence, but they require others to consistently recognise them for their greatness. A lot of attention is needed to make this person feel emotionally secure.

They feel that they must somehow win the other person over, that they must own their love, even though they are likely to be lining up new potential partners before even finishing up with the current one. The player will shower their partner with affection and make sure they feel like the only person in the world—right up until they have gotten what they wanted (which is usually sex) and then they leave the partner in the dust; “Love ‘em and Leave ‘em”. This type doesn’t seem to care much about what happened in the past, preferring to think only of the present or future. However, they will likely keep a diary of all of their past “victories”.

Players are not above telling lies or making up false identities to entice their victims into sleeping with them. They might say that they are some big shot in an industry of choice, for instance. They enjoy making their partners feel desperate for them or make them feel that they are somehow unworthy of the player’s attention. This gives the player the ultimate high.

The partner or victim of this type will be constantly trying to keep them interested. The player is usually only around for a very short time and views each situation as a game. They love competition and they feel that getting the other person to sleep with them, is like winning a game.

Commitment is out of the question for these folks. They believe that if they are with only one person, it keeps them from playing and competing in this game that they require in order to satisfy their ego and feel good about themselves. This type does usually hold out a small bit of hope that they may come across someone that is so amazing that it will make them want to change their ways, but it is unlikely that anyone would ever live up to their unrealistic expectations. They may sleep with someone 2 or 3 times at most and then move on.

The player sees their partner as the “loser” of the game once they “break down” and sleep with them. Once that happens, the partner is no longer a challenge and the player moves on, regardless of the circumstances involved. If pregnancy occurs, they don’t feel it is their “problem”, but the partners. They will not hesitate to drop the entire situation.

This type will especially feel drawn to people who are attractive but not interested in them at all. This is the ultimate challenge. If they can get this person, they will get the ego-boost they so desperately need. They will pull out every stop, every trick in the book to get this person. Extremely manipulative, they will behave in whatever way they feel is necessary for the person to give in. Remember, if it seems too good to be true, it probably is.

They are almost completely emotionally detached from their partners as they really only see them as objects anyway. They want sex and they want an ego boost. That’s it.

For further information and to find out ways that you can possibly remedy or downgrade some of this behavior, what their motivation is, as well as what kind of partner this type typically seeks out or avoids, please look into downloading our free E-book of the abuser types.

When in the midst of an abusive situation, it may be difficult to think clearly and come up with a solution to remedy the abuse, while trying to implement it may feel almost impossible. However, given the right tools and the will power to create change, it most certainly is possible, even more so– it is probable. Many may feel overwhelmed and may not know where to start, but it is important to start somewhere.

Please continue to check in with us each week for a new post about abusive behavior and how it can affect your life and the lives of those around you. There is always that first action to helping someone you care about. Let this be it!

Note – This personality may apply to males and females in heterosexual relationships or the dominant role in gay or lesbian relationships. The subordinate role, the victim, may be male or female.


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