Do you ever think about what it would be like to go back in time? What if you could go back and have a talk with yourself, as you are now, knowing what you know? Would you try to change anything? What would you say to yourself? We asked this question to a woman who had gone through abuse a few times in her life and she had the following to say:
Advice to Herself, Amidst the Abuse of the Past
“I don’t think I would want to change the past exactly, because I know that going through what I went through is what made me the person that I am. I wonder sometimes how different I would be if I never had been through all the awful things. Would I be as strong? Would I be healthier somehow? Happier somehow? Who’s to say it would be much better than it is. Maybe I wouldn’t appreciate what I appreciate now, I may simply take it all for granted. I am really not sure. There is no real way of knowing that, so I don’t think I would want to change it exactly. But I do think I would like to help myself a little. It was torture not knowing if it would ever get better, if I am on the right path. The uncertainty of it all, and believing that it may go on that way forever. I remember crying every night. I couldn’t sleep for hours, every night. Just knowing that it will change, might’ve helped to get through it a bit better. I would’ve told myself not to hide. To stand up and face what is happening, to look the problem straight in the eye. That is when the real healing started. When I finally decided enough is enough. I said no more. I stopped making excuses and hiding away. I was so scared but I finally broke through. I would’ve liked to know earlier that it was possible. That it was not only possible but that I WOULD actually change it.
sometimes we feel weak, only to find out that we are actually quite strong. Don't worry about what you can’t do, step towards doing what you can do. #endingtheabuse #staystrong #abusetalk #domesticviolencehttps://t.co/J4PuF8kakr— EndingTheAbuse (@endingtheabuse1) October 12, 2018
I remember some dark times back then…I believed it would never end. There were days when I wanted to die because it was the only way I thought I could escape the pain. I felt trapped and isolated from everyone. No one really understood what I was going through. Everywhere I turned there were people taking advantage of me, or worse. I did not know what healthy looked like. And of course, I blamed myself. Deep down I knew it wasn’t me, that what was being done to me wasn’t my fault. But… the only person I knew I had any control over was myself. And therefore somehow it was my fault. I believed that if I was better in some way that these things would stop happening to me. I felt tiny. Smaller than an insect. Certainly unable to stand up to what was going on. Easier to just fall underneath and let what was going to happen, happen. What I didn’t realize was that it was fixable. That I could actually get through it. And during the process of doing so, I remember feeling defeated and like the wall would never budge. But I kept on pushing that damn wall until it finally broke. I did not expect it but it shattered. And I was someone else then. With all of the experiences of the past, with all of the knowledge that had suddenly turned into wisdom. I understood. I still felt weak as can be but I wasn’t going to let that stop me. I wasn’t going to let myself die there. I stood up and I made it past those walls. What would I tell myself back then? To hold on. To stop hiding from myself and from the pain. To face it. To keep moving forward. That everything would be okay in the end but that I just had to get up and GO. Don’t rot there in that awful place. Go.”
The Future Can Be Bright
Even though being abused is never the victim’s fault, it may help to get a bit of power back by being aware that things CAN change and that you CAN move forward and past what happened. Accepting the situation will only hold you hostage. Know that there is a way to get out and that in time, healing is possible. Sometimes we feel weak as can be, only to find out that we are actually quite strong. Do not worry about what you can’t do, step towards doing what you can do. Little by little, venture out and find your path to clarity.
When overcoming an abusive situation, it may be difficult to think clearly and come up with a solution to remedy the abuse, while trying to implement it may feel almost impossible. However, given the right tools and the will power to create change, it most certainly is possible, even more so– it is probable. Many may feel overwhelmed and may not know where to start, but it is important to start somewhere.
Please continue to check in with us each week for a new post about abusive behavior and how it can affect your life and the lives of those around you. There is always that first action to helping someone you care about. Let this be it!
Anna Czarska is a writer and actor who has 15+ years of experience dealing with various situations of abuse. She has pursued business ventures and creative pursuits as well as spending time to study psychology in both formal and personal education. For more information, you may find her Linkedin profile here: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kasiakraut/