The Abuser is gone... now what!?

Just like when you get sick in your body, your mind also needs to rest and recuperate when it becomes infected with the poison of an unhealthy environment. Abuse can slowly chip away at your brain’s “immune system” and cause all sorts of trouble. Not only will reasoning become faulty, but the emotions are governed by the brain as well. It is far too easy to succumb to your own demons when the mind is not at peace. First we need to extract the poison, then we stitch up the wound, and lastly we must give it the time and nutrients it requires to heal.

Where to Start

The biggest obstacle is to remove the abuser or the abusive behavior from the picture. There are many ways to go about this, however, in this post we will be focusing on what happens AFTER the abuse has stopped. Once the abusive environment has been nullified and is no longer a threat, it would be helpful to slowly find closure on the events that took place. Doing this is not going to be easy and can take a great deal of time, but without getting that closure the trauma will find a way to ooze out when you least expect it. You may find things trigger you that never did before and hiding from those will only make you even more sensitive to the next trigger that comes along and so on and so forth. The best thing to do is to delve into what happened in a way that feels safe for you, and continue ironing out the reactions until you are no longer feeling like you need to run from them to cope. Therapy is usually the best step to take as it is a complicated process and going about this the wrong way can actually hinder your healing process.

Continue the Healing Process

When you are able to openly express what has occurred and start moving past what happened, creating healthy situations to replenish your life with are key to a positive outcome. It may seem silly at first, but allow yourself to bring new, positive energy into your life. Negative energy has been a part of your environment for so long that it may feel foreign and uncomfortable not to have it around anymore. We get used to that negativity and pain in our lives to such a degree that we do not feel like ourselves when it is gone. This can take a lot of getting used to. A conscious effort needs to be made. Try using self-talk to reason with yourself if you notice that you start feeling uncomfortable or perhaps that you are even acting out for no apparent reason. Our minds rebel when we have been conditioned for so long to withstand bad treatment. We forget how to be without it. Pay attention if you start feeling tension and cannot understand why. It may be simply that you are not USED to a positive environment or someone showing genuine care for you.

Try to think of ways that you can enhance your life positively. Are there people in your life that maybe you haven’t spent much time with recently that you have always felt really good around? Or places that you enjoy going to that feel soothing for you? Perhaps even trying something new that you have always wanted to try. Changing our routine, while scary, is often the easiest way to change inwardly. If we continue being in the same places, seeing the same people, and doing the same things at the same times, we start to go on autopilot and our habits become very difficult to break. We get caught in a negative cycle. Get yourself out of that cycle as much as you can. It may be baby steps, and that is okay, most of the time we will not see ourselves changing until we are already changed. Go with it. See how you transform in time.

Healing a broken bone requires a lot of rest and going easy on yourself and your body, healing a broken heart requires the same. Keep yourself away from situations that cause too much stress for a while. Take a break from work or school if you can, even for a couple of weeks if that is all you can get. Do things that calm and relax you. Be easy with yourself. If you want to stay home for 3 days straight and read, do that. Whatever you feel will allow you to move through the process. Create for yourself a warm, cozy mental blanket and let yourself rest there and gather your strength while your mind and heart heal. Try to write. Writing is often very therapeutic to those who have gone through trauma, allowing a way to release the past. If the writing is causing you stress, try something else. Confronting what has happened can be extremely difficult to do and it takes a lot of energy, as well as a large chunk of your spirit work past all the hurt and bad to find the good again. After that is finished, you need to allow yourself some time to be soothed. To be quiet inside and to let the dust settle internally. Take some time and allow the mind to heal.

Be Kind to Yourself

Having a bit of quiet rest and recuperation for the mind and spirit can be largely underrated, though it is crucial that you give yourself the opportunity. Be kind to yourself, what you have gone through is not easy and it is okay to feel awful and that you need a break. People need a break for far less traumatic reasons and take it just the same. Don’t blame yourself or think you are weak for needing some time to move past what has happened. Once that bone heals, then you can to walk and later run on it. Until then, rest.

When overcoming an abusive situation, it may be difficult to think clearly and come up with a solution to remedy the abuse, while trying to implement it may feel almost impossible. However, given the right tools and the will power to create change, it most certainly is possible, even more so– it is probable. You may feel overwhelmed and may not know where to start, but it is important to start somewhere.

Please continue to check in with us each week for a new post about abusive behavior and how it can affect your life and the lives of those around you. There is always that first action to helping someone you care about. Let this be it!

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Author Bio

Anna Czarska is a writer and actor who has 15+ years of experience dealing with various situations of abuse. She has pursued business ventures and creative pursuits as well as spending time to study psychology in both formal and personal education. For more information visit her LinkedIn profile

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